I don’t know about you, prospective Disney guest, but when I think of Walt Disney World I think of Mickey Mouse, Main Street USA, Pirates, and parades. I believe just the mention of the name Disney instantly brings us back to the happy memories we had as a child, either in the theme parks or watching one of Disney’s animated classics on the big screen. That is why it’s shocking to me that there are so many people who go to the Disney theme parks not realizing the truly horrific individuals that are scattered throughout WDW’s parks and attractions. Here is a look at Despicable Disney: 5 Questionable Characters.
Gangster in The Great Movie Ride – The Great Movie Ride starts out innocently enough. You’re riding through some iconic movie scenes and being led by a fantastic tour guide who seems incredibly knowledgeable about the films you’re moving through. Then, out of nowhere, your vehicle takes a wrong turn and you’re in the middle of a shootout with a bunch of gangsters. One particularly brazen gangster decides it will be fun to aim a gun at your guide, kick him/her out of your vehicle, and hijack the vehicle as a getaway car. Then, this miserable mobster asks for everyone’s valuables, and even laughs while doing so! Walt Disney World is supposed to be a place for children and adults to have fun together. I don’t know about you, but I don’t consider a gangster waving a gun around my children to be fun at all…(okay, maybe that’s how other parents get their kids to eat???)
CapCom from Mission: Space – So, on our first day of astronaut training, we are supposed to just trust this guy with our lives and board a flight simulator that is going to simulate a flight to Mars? I don’t like the sound of that at all! I have literally no training as a Navigator, Pilot, Commander or Engineer, yet this guy thinks I, along with three other people who may or may not have questionable pasts, can pull off this dangerous mission? What if I don’t push my button at the exact right moment? Can I trust the other astronauts I’m in training with?? There’s no way to know what will happen, yet CapCom is very cool and seems convinced that we all can pull this off. I don’t exactly share his confidence or positivity and this guy really reminds me of someone I’ve seen before…I just can’t put my finger on it!
That’s right! It’s Lieutenant Dan! This brings up a whole new batch of questions that I don’t want to even get into. Talk about a questionable character!
Jungle Cruise Skipper – Of all of the classic opening day attractions that are still operating in Disneyland and Walt Disney World, I don’t believe there is a more beloved experience than the World Famous Jungle Cruise. Sailing the rivers of the world while listening to the Skipper’s spiel is just as much fun now as it was in 1955. Or is it? On your journey, you’ll see dangerous animals like hippos, crocodiles, and lions. You’ll encounter threatening natives, observe horrified tourists, and even float through the ruins of ancient civilizations. And through it all your Skipper, your leader, is cracking jokes, barely steering the boat, and not taking any of the terrifying things around you seriously at all. At least in Disneyland the Skipper still carries a handgun for protection against the terrors of the jungle! In Walt Disney World, all the Skipper brings to the table is his/her edge and wit. As far as questionable characters go, these guys should be at the top of the list!
Dr. Seeker from Dinosaur – Much like CapCom from Mission: Space, Dr. Seeker has complete and utter confidence in his new batch of recruits. He expects us, the paying theme park guests, to go back in time to the late Cretaceous Period (not the safe, early Cretaceous period, of course!) to apprehend a shy, quiet Iguanodon named Aladar. Once we get there we have to avoid meteor showers, dodge Velociraptors, and ultimately run from a terrifying, enormous dinosaur known as the Carnotaurus. The whole thing seems a bit unnecessary, really, as Dr. Seeker has already gone back in time to tag the very Iguanodon we end up looking for. He couldn’t just bring the dinosaur back the first time so all of this could have been avoided? Dr. Seeker is irresponsible at best, intentionally putting all of the riders at risk, at worst, and needs to be stopped.
Main Street Mayor Christopher George Weaver – What could possibly be bad about “The Honorable” Mayor Weaver, you might ask? He’s walking up and down Main Street, USA almost every time you’re there, right? Shaking hands, taking pictures, giving directions, all with a great big smile on his face. Exactly right. He’s there all the time! I did a little bit of research, actually, and there has never been another mayor of Main Street besides Mayor Weaver. Sure, he’s always up for re-election, but he always gets right back into the mayor’s office! How is this possible?! All those smiles, all those handshakes and pictures, but what has this mayor ever done for Main Street USA? I don’t know the answer to that question and I don’t think you do either. Mayor Weaver is up to no good and I honestly don’t think he can ever be trusted!
Thank you for reading this list of Questionable Characters in the Disney Parks. Please feel free to contact me at [email protected] if you feel like I missed an individual who is unnecessarily placing guests into danger at any time! A Disney vacation is intended to be a family friendly, safe experience and I believe we’re all better off now that I’ve brought these individuals’ indiscretions to light!
Also, for those of you who read this and are now furious with me, I apologize! This is only meant to be a fun take on some WDW characters who don’t pose any threat to anyone, real or imaginary, at all!
Please feel free to leave a comment, send me an email, or send me a Tweet if you liked reading this blog post. Or even if you disliked it. Or if you thought it was just okay. Thanks again for reading and enjoy the rest of your stay here at Ear To There Travel!